Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
