Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
