the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
