went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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