i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
