I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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