its not stalking. its research.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
