just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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