I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
