Small penises have feelings too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize