I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
