her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
