i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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