Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
