big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do herpes really smell.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
