So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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