On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
