He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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