Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
