He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
