It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
