so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
