i wish peter jackson would direct porn
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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