I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
