I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
