The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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