she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
