how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
