apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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