Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
