that's an acceptable place to lick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
