Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize