Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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