It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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