I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
