last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am one with the molecules
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
