dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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