Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
