i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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