you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
