at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
