it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
