Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm too high and old for this...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
