when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
