If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
