i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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