his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
