whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
