Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize