There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
