So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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