I am puke
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Farmville is her only friend.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
