so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
