I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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