I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
