About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
