it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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