My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
