I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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