I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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