Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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