i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
