just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
