who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
