Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
